I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
we should paint friendship bongs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
