My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
