Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
