I hate all girls vehemently.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
