End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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