I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
