did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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