Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
