I would go down on you faster than GM stock
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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