you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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