Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize