Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
