I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A+ Viking dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize