my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
