ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This baby is an asshole
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
