i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
