your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize