Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
