I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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