Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
