Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
