I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What a dumb baby whore.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
