i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
