nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I cut my penus on the lid.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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