how can u be prego again
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
