He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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