Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
