that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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