you traded sex for a burrito?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
