twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think people are normalizing furries
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
