I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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