if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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