you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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