I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
