EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize