Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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