you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
