He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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