I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
