I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
