I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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