hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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