I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
