The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
