Screwed.edu
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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