Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
