I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
