Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
