question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
