Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
