my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
