I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
