Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
