i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize