No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
