He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
