They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
