I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
