it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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