All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
