You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
