She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
