Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want to make out with him forever
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
