you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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