Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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