She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
