dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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