Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
