I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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